depIorable

you know what, anxiety is shit and all, but you cannot let it control you to the extent that you're projecting these negative thoughts onto other people full well knowing that they can't do anything about it. you just can't. i've lived with anxiety for a while now and i've managed to recognize when it's better to take a moment for myself and find what's right and what my priorities are - but some people just can't seem to take the hint. 

i'm just frustrated.

so many friendships and good things are ended by excessive paranoia and trying to control everything even when it definitely cannot be, and, most of all, lack of communication. if there's an issue, you should talk about it. not pretend it never happened in the first place. i hate that. it's not right. it's like the elephant in the room.

lack of communication makes me anxious, for fuck's sake. do you think i'm going to hang around somewhere filled with all sorts of negative thoughts and problems that are barely being concealed?

not to mention that too many people in one location - crowds, i should say - make it even worse for me. it's messy and disorganized. there's too much going on.

anyways.

i needed to get that off of my chest. 

my worst fear is getting "clapped" or whatever it is on here
i mean i would never do anything on purpose to deserve such a thing but
it's still there
i know how fast people tend to rally against someone who has been deemed bad

id dead ass murder someone rn for
- shippy material
- a nap
- iced tea :'^))))